I Was Always There
by NarniaPrincess21
Summary: "I was always there, even in death." Johnny POV Mostly Post death


**Okay, this is my first Outsiders fanfiction. I really like the idea that Johnny is still around, even though he's dead, because he's my favorite.  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'The Outsiders', 'Gone with the Wind', or the quote.  
I do, however, own the story idea.**

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_"We all have ghosts, remorse, dreams, things we love and hate. One day something in life- a word, a phrase, something in a book, a beautiful woman- clicks, and part of that world takes on a special meaning. And you realize you have a story to tell. ~ Auturo Perez Reverte_

I can feel it. The warmth. The peace. The doctor had told me earlier, but I had already known.

I had the nurse write Ponyboy a letter for me, and told her to give it to him along with the book. It was around that time that I realized that death was inevitable. Sure, I'd never see so many things, but it was unimportant. I saved those kids in the fire, their lives were worth more than mine. They had families that loved them.

I never meant to kill him. But he was drowning Ponyboy. I couldn't just watch them kill my friend. Sometimes, I wished I had never gotten that blade. I wished we had stayed in the lot, or walked back to the Curtis house; to show Pony that Darry hadn't meant to slap him. I wished that my parents didn't hate me. That the Socs would stay on their side of town. But wishing any of that was useless.

I heard them in the hall, Dally's threatening voice, but not the words. Then doctors low voice, and the soft steps of feet.

"Johnnycakes? Johnny?" Dally's voice is hoarse.

I fight the sleepiness, and open my eyes. "Hey."

"We won," Dally is panting like he was running. "We beat the Socs. We stomped them-chased them outa our territory."

_It wouldn't help. We'll never truly win. _"Useless…fighting's no good." was all I managed to choke out.

Nervously, Dally licks his lips. "They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all." He speech speed up, making it hard to follow him. "Yeah, they're calling you a hero now and heroizin' all the greasers. We're all proud of you, buddy."

My heart swelled a little. He was proud of what I'd done.

I feel myself start to sink, and my vision was blurring. _Not yet. I have to tell him._

"Ponyboy." he leans in, close. I have so much to tell him, but can only say: "Stay Gold, Ponyboy. Stay Gold."

I feel like I'm falling, and I see a bright light. _I'm dead._ Most people would think that's a moment of panic, but all I can feel is relief.

I see myself, my body anyway, lying on the bed. _I'm a ghost._ Pony's jaw starts to twitch, like he's trying to say something, but can't open his mouth.

I look over at Dally. He swallows, then brushes my hair from my face. _Or what use to be my face._ "Never could keep that hair back….that's what you get for tryin' to help people, you little punk, that's what you get…"

He spins, and slams back against the wall. He's sweating, and he looks so tortured. "Dammit, Johnny…"he slams a fist in the wall. "Oh, dammit, Johnny, don't die, please don't die…"

He suddenly runs out the door and down the hall. Taking one more glance back at Ponyboy, who's still looks to be in shock; then chase Dally down the hall. He leaves quite a path of destruction in his wake. Carts were overturned and one nurse was kneeling, trying to reorder papers.

I finally catch up to Dally, and he stands in front of the hospital E.R. entrance, yelling at a doctor, I only hear the last few words. "…you get for helping people." He pulls his heater and clicks blanks at the doctor.

"You're crazy! Go, before I get security!"

Dallas dashes to his car and hops in. He pulls out of the parking lot spinning, and leaves me trying to sprint after him. I wander down the road, in the direction he had went. Sometimes, I would try to talk to someone, only to remember that they couldn't see me. Once, a group of Socs wandered close to me, but they didn't see me. One even walked through me.

I end up at a store, only to find Dally. I walk through the door and see him punch the magazine on the rack in front of him. The only other person is the clerk. Who is glaring at Dally, who is flipping through a magazine. "Do you want to buy one, son?" The clerk's annoyance made known in his voice.

Smirking, Dally rips the magazine. "You have to pay for that now."

Dally slowly walks to the counter and stares the clerk in the eyes, but didn't seem to be really looking at him. "Son, you need to pay for that magazine."

Sluggishly, he pulls out his gun and points it at the clerk's head. "GIVE ME THE MONEY!" he screams.

"Please, don't shoot." The clerk begs, as he jerks the money from the register and places it in a bag.

As soon as Dally grabs the bag, though, and starts to run, the clerk yanks out his gun and fires.

Even though he can't hear me, I still scream, "WATCH OUT!"

Dally runs from the store, the clerk picks up the phone. He was calling the fuzz.

I chase after Dally so I won't lose him. He stops at a payphone, and pulls out change and shoves it in the slot for the money. He stands there, waiting for someone to pick up.

"Darry…listen man…I just robbed a store…the fuzz are after me. Can you meet me in the lot?…..Yeah,… Johnny's dead….Johnny. Look, meet me in the lot." He hangs up.

I close my eyes. _Is this why he's doing this? Because of me?_

Dally takes off in the direction of the lot, and I follow.

When we reach the lot, I can see the rest of the gang running from the other direction. The sirens of the police car that had followed us scream, cut through the silence. Doors slam as policemen jump out of there cars.

Dally reaches the street lamp, and stops in the circle of light. He stretches his arm and starts to pull out the heater he had shoved back in place. _They don't know it's not loaded. _He raises the gun. "DALLY, NO!" I shout, but it falls on deaf ears.

The police fire, and Dal's body jerks around, and slowly crumples to the ground. Looks of horror show on the gangs' faces.

I look down at Dally's form. Wisps of smoke seem to rise, and before me, Dally stands, a confused look on his face.

"Johnny? Where…?"

"Don't know. Lets get out of here." We stroll down the street, and I feel as if we aren't dead anymore. But the cries of sorrow behind us remind me we are.

I find myself coming back every once in a while to the neighborhood. Earlier, I had went back to my house. My mom sat staring at a picture of me, tears streaming down her face. I had wanted to comfort her, but of course I couldn't. I think she knew I was there though, because she whispered, "Baby, I'm so sorry."

Tonight though, I walk into the Curtis house. Darry sits in his favorite chair reading the newspaper, and Sodapop sits on the couch, watching something on the TV.

I head down the hall, and see Pony sitting at his desk. He flips through 'Gone with the Wind' and the note the nurse wrote for me. I wait for him to read it, and then leave when he finishes it.

Leaving that night, I remember what I was written on the paper.  
_I want you to tell Dally to look at one for me. I don't think he's ever seen one._

The next night, I take Dally to the lot. "Dally, I know you might think this is crazy but look at the sky."

After he gives me a 'your so weird' look, he looks up and the sky. The sun is just beginning to set. The sky around the sun is a mix of gold, purples, pinks, and blues.

"Wow…"

"What do you think?" I ask, watching his expression.

"I wish I'd have looked to the sky when I was alive."

"If you want, we can do this every evening."

"I'd like that…"

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**Hope ya'll liked it. If you could, please review, it really helps, even if it's to say I suck. Thanks, and Stay Gold**


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